(Magyar verzio lent)
Perfectly imperfect relations
I do remember how down I was last time when I wrote - actually that was the source of my article. Now it is exactly the opposite. It is 3 pm and I have already finished 3 meetings that I am grateful for. The 1st was was with a Hungarian girl, living here, and though we don't know each other for long, she shared some painful personal stories which definitely made her vulnerable, but also respectful at the same time.
The other meeting was with a fifty-something years old Asian woman, who is super perfectionist, would love to establish deep connections, but most of the time she gets disappointed.
The last one was with 2 amazing women in online platform, from different time-zones and still we could communicate effectively, we shared our views, agreed and argued, and we are soo pleased to work on something which will be created by us. There are plenty of question-marks, we are far not professional entrepreneurs, but we know our "why" and we are eager to learn and grow.
From the perspective of deep and meaningful relationships it is absolutely doesn't matter how often You speak and for how long You have been known each other. And actually it is even possible that You two just meet for couple of days, exchange your minds and move forward with new learnings. Even if it lasted only for short time, the established relation could be truly meaningful for both of You without continuing the conversations afterwards regularly. It happened to me in Bali. By lucky coincidence I got a Hungarian roommate for that 2 weeks while I was volunteering there, and my neighbour was also Hungarian. We (with my neighbour) had clicked immediately and from then we spent quite a time together, having long hour conversations in the evenings, kick off our days with going to the local market to find some specialties, we went for sunrise yoga around the vivid-green rice terraces, discovered a hidden waterfall where we could have some private bathing time... just to mention some of the activities. Day by day we had more meaningful talks sharing fears, challenges, shame and purpose... Probably she doesn't know how grateful I am for all these, and how much I admire her for being such an ambitious and brave person.
Being far and busy taught me to let all of my expectations behind, especially if it is about real friendship. If I could feel forgotten because there is no reply already for 2 weeks, though I wish to hear from You; if I could feel disappointed because You did not share immediately that You had a new romance/puppy/positive pregnancy test/felt sick or happy/planning to move out etc.. then I let You know that it means a lot to me and I am here to cry/feel happy/listen/console... Because I accept and respect how You are. Vulnerability is key to close connections.
I don't want success. I want to grow.
Surely You already met that often asked question about your dream life in 5 years. And there is another one less often asked:"Does your day aligned with your desired life?"
My kind of New Year's resolution for 2019 is to establish small habits as part of my everyday routine, which are making me more focused, healthier and continuously supporting on reaching my goals.
Does not matter how ambitious your targets are, to get there You need to take actions step by step. So forget the big goals and just focus on these tiny actions. Taking small baby steps for daily wins is much sustainable than getting incredibly busy, creating complex business plans and finally give up on the way. Consistency is the key, because doesn't matter how You feel, what kind of seemingly real excuses You have, You just need to get out of the bed, dress up and show up. Then 99% of the job is already done, because You are on the path.
"Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work"
Undoubtedly in order to be enough determined especially at the very beginning, You need to have a powerful "why" which carries You through those painful days.
I know it is sounds easy, but believe me making it real could be tough - at least for me.
To kind of unfuck my excuses and learn how to be resilient I created a challenge for myself >>
Go for running preferably in the morning at least 20 times in 30 days. Distance: min 5 km.
- Clearly defined.
- Doable.
- Definitely not a quick win, I haven't go for run in the last 2.5 months, and actually I don't run regularly since 2016. summer.
- Easily measurable, hence I have immediate feedback on my progress.
This is the 15th day after the idea was born and I went for running already 12 times.
Though I have 4 half marathon completions and use to I never had shorter distance than 10 km, I am still super proud of myself, because that was long time ago, now I am older, having different motivations and here the humidity is nearly 95% :D
I realised also that I have award-winning creativity when it is about excuses: social media posts, urgent e-mails, must-read loooong articles, sense of hunger... The secret is that I even don't ask whether I go for running today or not. I just wake up and go, doesn't matter what. It is totally fine to be slow if my body prefers more gentle workout that day.
Do You ave any clue why is it extremely hard to get out and have the 1st steps? Is it challenge only for me? Do You have any routines? Something what You would love to insert to your days?
Some hints to keep up:
- doesn't matter how small is the challenge You setup: make it clearly defined, doable, measurable and supporting one of your big goals. (Example: Big goal=being healthier. Challenge: instead of going to bakery or miss the nutrious breakfast kick start your day with a smoothie adding seasonal fruits and veggies, protein, seeds and some whole grain. Buy every ingredients and the blender during the weekend and find some easy recipes - don't be advanced smoothie maker immediately. So do all the preparation is advance, morning is about execution and feeling proud. Try not to miss any day during the 1st 2 weeks. Observe all the changes what You feel day by day.)
- try to find some additional benefits. For example running not only teaches me to follow my routine day by day, but makes me energetic and healthy.
- I have a tool to see my historical performance, so I can compare & add notes
- sharing my daily success with people who support me with positive feedbacks. It also makes me more committed, because I don't want to let them see that I stopped working on my goal.
- I identified one of my main "habit killer" which is social media, therefor I setted up a daily limit. If I reach this cumulated limit (instagram, Facebook, Linkedin etc) my phone automatically makes these apps inactive >> no push notification, no vibration. Of course I always can ignore the limit with 2 extra clicks but I like this block :) True mirror of my addiction.
- I have more than 1000 Facebook friends. Is it good for me to see all of their posts? Definitely not. So I decluttered my feed in order to make it minimalist and relevant.
- I celebrate my successes. For example with delicious breakfast or a new running short.
- If the new habit is for morning it makes your mood and your whole day much better afterwards.
A little follow up on the previous post:
- I found a new English teacher, and having lessons since November.
- I joined the previously mentioned women association community, and additionally I also do volunteer job in their marketing team.
- Reaching out people from Linkedin for a friendly talk: Till now I had only one meeting with okay experience, so I definitely will continue. I believe this is a great way to found inspiration, learn and build network.
.....
igeret magamtol magamnak, hogy ezentul gyakarabban irok rovidebbeket. Hiszen most hogy potoljam egyetlen bejegyzesben a novemberi frenetikus Bali elmenyt, a spontan szilveszteri alomutunkat a Gold Coastra, es azt, ami az elmult 2.5 honapban tortent egyeb fronton?
Tokeletes tokeletlen kapcsolatok
Emlekszem, hogy legutobb mennyire padlon voltam, az ihlette a bejegyzest. Most epp ellenkezoleg. Meg csak delutan 3 ora, de mar tul vagyok 3 olyan talalkozason, amelyekert halas vagyok. Az elso egy itt elo magyar lannyal, aki annak ellenere osztotta meg velem mindennapjai szemelyes arnyolaldat, hogy nem ismerjuk egymast tul reg. A masik egy otvenes azsiai novel, aki perfekcionista, oriasi melysegeket szeretne megelni az emberi kapcoslatokban, es gyakran csalodott, amiert ez nem lel viszonzasra. Utobbi pedig 2 fantasztikus nocivel, online terben, eltero idozonakbol mind es megis kommunikalunk, otletelunk, egyetertunk, ellenvetunk es dolgozunk valamin, ami csak a mienk, es amit mi keltunk eletre. Rengeteg a kerdojel, messze nem vagyunk profik, de megvan a miertunk, tanulni akarunk es megyunk elore.
Az igazi mely kapcsolatok nem az interakciok gyakorisagaban gyokereznek, es nem is az ismertseg hossza szamit. Es valojaban az is lehet, hogy a ket fel osszetalalkozasa rovid ideig tart, megtortenik az eszmecsere, tanulnak belole es tovabballnak mindketten a kapott kis csomaggal. Attol, hogy mindez csak par napig tart fizikailag, attol meg a kialakult kapocs lehet idotallo rendszeres uzenetvaltasok nelkul is. Ez tortent velem peldaul Balin. A sors vicces jateka, hogy az ott toltott ket hetre magyar szobatarsat kaptam, es a szomszed szobaban is egy magyar lany lakott, akivel hamar kialakult egy olyan szoros viszony, ami minden este hosszu orakig tarto eszmecserekben, a reggeli piac helyi kincseinek felfedezeseben nyilvanult meg, plusz napfelkelte jogaban a vaditoan zold rizsfodek kozepen, illetve idilli furdozesben egy eldugott vizesesnel, ahol csak mi voltunk epp. Naprol napra melyebbre astunk, titkokat, szegyenfoltokat, felelmeket es gyengesegeket osztottunk meg egymassal, amivel aztan egyre konnyebbek lettunk. Talan nem is tudja, hogy mennyit kaptam Tole, es mennyire becsulom a batorsagat es az eltokeltseget.
Velem a tavolsag es az idohiany tanitatta meg, hogy az igazi baratsagokban egyszeruen nem lehetnek elvarasaink. Ha a masik nem valaszol 2 hetig, ha elfelejtve erzem magam, pedig jolesne egy beszelgetes, ha megbantott azzal, hogy nem osztotta meg velem azonnal, hogy uj pasija van/elkoltozik/babat var/kiskutyaja lett/beteg/boldog.... akkor tudtara adom, hogy fontos nekem es szeretnek vele sirni/onzetlenul orulni/megvigasztalni/meghallgatni... Szamomra ez az ertek, amikor egyszeruen csak elfogadjuk egymast, es a sebezhetosegeinkbol hidat epitunk.
Nem a sikerre vagyom, hanem a fejlodesre
Tudjatok, van az az elcsepelt kerdes, hogy "hogy szeretned elni az eletedet 5 ev mulva?"
Es a masik joval ritkabban kerdezett, hogy "ugy eled a mindennapjaidat, hogy kozelebb kerulj ehhez a vagyott elethez?"
Nem kell, hogy minden nap tokeletesen a tokeletes terv resze legyen, de hiszem, hogy mindenkinek vannak olyan szokasai, amik visszatartjak, es azokat lehet helyettesiteni epitoekkel. Az en fogadalmam idenre, hogy olyan napi rutint epitek fel, amik az almaimat, a fejlodesemet szolgaljak. A nagy celokhoz sok sok apro szokason keresztul vezet az ut, es nem az a fontos, hogy mennyire vagy elfoglalt, hogy hany hangzatos projekten dolgozol egyszerre, vagy mekkora erofeszitest teszel bele egy napba. A folyamatossagban rejlik a titok, es az az igazi kihivas; illetve nem a mennyisegben, hanem a minosegben. Valahol azt olvastam, hogy ket tipusu ember letezik: elfoglalt es fokuszalt.
En nagyon szeretnek az utobbi kategoriaba tartozni, viszont meg sokat kell ezen dolgoznom,
Eppen ezert talaltam ki magamnak egy kihivast >> 30 napon belul 20-szor min 5km-es futassal inditom a napomat. Ez a 15. nap es 12-szer futottam. Mindent kitalal az elmem, hogy kuzdjon: szuper izgalmas insta posztok, e-mailek, amiket azonnal meg kell valaszolni, hosszu cikkek, amik nem varhatnak, amugy is almos vagyok... Abban talaltam meg az eredmeny kulcsat, hogy nincs kerdes, eldontottem; igy megyek, akarmi is zajlik epp korulottem. Ha elindulok, akkor mar a munka 99%-a kesz, mert innentol rajta vagyok az uton, a sebesseg lenyegtelen.
Miert ilyen nehez elindulni? Csak nekem az? Neked mi a napi rutinod? Van olyan szokas, amit szivesen beepitenel, barmi ami tamogat egy hosszabbtavu cel elereseben?
Ami nekem segitett:
- megfogalmaztam a celt, ami egyertelmu, merheto es minden feltetel adott, hogy teljesitsem, illetve tudom a "miert"-et. Innentol, ha nem sikerult, az egy kudarc, ami azt jelenti, hogy gyenge vagyok es nem is akarom igazan a fejlodest.
- a futas, mint kihivas onmagaban is motival, es raadaskent az egeszseges es fitt eletmodot tamogatja
- vezetem az eredmenyt es a fejlodest egy applikacio segitsegevel
- van 2-3 ember, akikkel futas utan megosztom az aznapi eredmenyt, es toluk pozitiv, tamogato visszacsatolast kapok. Beavatottak ;)
- mivel a leggykoribb fokusz elterelo a social media, beallitottam egy max napi limitet, amit ezen applikaciok hasznalataval tolthetek. A telefonom elnemitja az appokat a limit elerese utan nem kapok uzeneteket, sem ertesitest. (Termeszetesen, ezt fel tudom oldani, ha tenyleg szukseges.) Kivalo tukrot az ez a modszer a kialakult fuggosegemrol :P.
- tobb mint 1000 facebook ismerosom van, biztos, hogy elonyomre valik, ha latom az o megosztasikat? Vegeztem egy kis tisztitast a kozossegi oldalakon a minimalizmus jegyeben :)
- a sikereket megunneplem :) Finom reggelivel peldaul, vagy egy uj futonadraggal.
- ha mar reggel egy oriasi pipaval inditok, az lenduletet ad az eredmenyes folytatashoz es megalapozza a hangulatomat is
Reflekcio az elozo bejegyzeshez:
- talaltam angol angol tanart, mar novemberben megtartottuk az elso orat, viszont valoszinuleg keresek egy masikat hamarosan, aki jobban tamogatja a celjaimat.
- becsatlakoztam a korabban emlitett noi szakmai kozosseghez, es raadasul meg onkentes munkat is vallaltam a marketing csapatukban
- eddig egy Linkedin kavem volt, de ez a teendo tovabbra is a listan marad
Some photos from Bali where I spent 3 weeks in November / Nehany kep a csodas Balirol:
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| Volunteer Programs Bali |
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| Inspiring introduction from the owner of the amazing Nadis Herbal |
